Growth Through Trauma of Grief & Loss

Disclaimer: The following views are based on clinical experience as a practicing psychologist.

Grief & Loss , are topics that nobody teaches us about nor we are given an heads up . But as life doesn’t come with a manual it comes up with loss and grief across relationships, dreams & things. That is way we see our attachments and our connection to life . Loss is a life long friendship with understanding grief!

A Lifetime of friendship, yes it comes in different ways, the journey at some point comes as lessons and experiences that can be pragmatically viewed as blessings. The personal experience of dealing with grief and loss hasn’t been linear for me , so when I sit in as a Psychologist helping individuals process loss , I encourage grieving that loss. It is essential to give individuals space to grieve. As a well established fact there is no time line of loss but a process yes , to be aware , acknowledge and accept the to & fro of the process is the friendship with grief and loss.

Grief is my forever & I create Evermore as relief for others – that is my life’s belief as I grieve there will be others who have bigger grief and for them I have to believe. The recent client who brought a stop and pause of reviewing grief for myself and huge personal loss of people again within a year made me look at it different. The microbiological paths formed to handle grief in myself are related to death of loved ones , abandonment and rejection over years now. Experiencing body numbing and mental shocks while holding a therapeutic space , made me observe my own resilience and grit in the situation. The degrees of separation over a year made me go on a path of individualisation and deep shadow work even therapeutically. The channeling and awareness of being just having a human experience came in this phase when the body shut down. Somatic experience of loss that I grieved by coping differently this time changed my perception of grief.

Stages of grief and change when applied practically give one a lifetime of self belief , I evolved my self belief.

I grieve the dead and losing the living having learnt the balance of loss , I took an essential pause that taught me

1. Contrary to the fact you don’t heal where you were broken, I began feeling the healing in the place where I first experienced grief and loss. Also the same people who caused the rejection still are healing me in ways . The spiritual connection I feel with them will be tested in time . But it brought me to a realization if I have to similarly face the others who have rejected and belittled me , would I be able to ? Yes! I have learnt in being different that they are the ones projecting the lack of self growth and operating from ego state of conditioned minds, so I am safe in myself and that is why if my social conditioning was broken , within myself , spiritually I am always whole. So remembering ones wholeness is crucial in coping.

2. Light does get in through broken cracks , they change the understanding at every stage you find the light too harsh. Being kind and forgiving towards ourselves makes up the path to healing. Forgiveness is a somatic experience again that links the emotions to physical response. There are people and situations that leave a wound in our hearts ( whether they intended it or not ). When ever we revisit the memory we are reminded and feel it in our body , thus sharing space with the same people is a very channeling task as t brings high and lows of emotions that be perceived volatile.

3. It is a typhoon one goes in circles. The grief of the dead makes you learn the absence as presence. The loss of living makes you appreciate the essence of your own presence. Whether it is a loud or soft emotional reaction energetically the body goes through the hormonal roller coaster manifested in behaviour.

Every time after this understanding you encounter the grief of people passing away –
You learn to know living as before and after.

With loss of people you learn to not be affected by the people , you choose to withdraw from active interaction and practice setting stronger boundaries.

Each person in our lives has the ability to give us a different depth of trauma and that trauma has its own set of coping and strategies to be functioning optimally in face of this stress. The flip side to love of all kinds is trauma and its our responsibility to work through the trauma, with seeking professional mental health support beyond the cocoon of family and friends.

4. Each experience of losing people makes you wonder if you are worthy and it finds itself nestled in the shadows of your psyche. Challenging your self worth and shaking up your self esteem. You start apologizing for feeling and not knowing better , because you have faced trauma before. Stop! Step-in don’t invalidate this experience .

5. Conceptually we rationalize death and loss , process it vis a vis your shadow self that is under conditional conflict. The equation of duality with rationality is a journey within challenging the spiral continuously. My own coping taught me as each person is giving new trauma so I brace myself to experience it and thank them for this experience because by showing acceptance of the experience you raise your energy to detach from the emotion and the body in this validation of ‘the self responds and doesn’t attach to existing trauma neurological pathways you change your perception about trauma . The feelings around it might be the same but the effect on the body starts becoming less somatic more awareness based. You feel , pause , reflect , thank and step in to love yourself unconditionally.

6. The highest understanding of grief and loss is not a constant state it is a place of awareness that allows acceptance and adaptability till we don’t face our triggers in different situations and people. But we have learnt through each experience what we can create for ourselves to protect our functioning.

I was told very often you live in the past, but the past has become my path to reflect back on everything as I have begun to restart.
Combining the training as a psychologist along with the practical experience, I have reached out to knowing loss and perceiving grief as my biggest blessings to grow to a stage of detached living with attached purpose!

That is the way I created the Authentic Living Program for individuals seeking therapy and counseling in coping with trauma around relationships and being themselves.

Aarti Ahuja
Psychologist

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