Disclaimer: The following views are based on clinical experience as a practicing psychologist.
Carl Jung has stated “The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed ” which is today widely quoted across.
Upon beginning to open my practice to couples, I encountered the conflict resolution was more individualistic and being heralded by the expression of the conditioning of human beings in society.
Another famous premise in early Psychology education is ” all individuals are unique and the self is the product of being unique and the social environment” So reflecting upon this and building up from there in dealing with couples in a client centered approach, the discovery of the relationship having a soul as well two souls coming to be one , the raging concept of soulmates became an early intervention.
Personal growth in life and expanding professional understanding of relationship therapy techniques found itself challenging the soulmate concept and coming back to its deeper nuances of individual uniqueness being a central part.
When I am professionally committed to couples therapy, my open mindedness expanded even more and I learnt the art of removing barriers of communication.
Various courses and workshops took me deeper into the narrative behind the individuals in the couple. The two worlds come together to gather the possibility of creating life together for a short term or long term phase making the romanticised social concept of forever only till it lasts.
Acceptance of these two factors is a major part of my therapeutic work wherein I facilitate insight regarding the individual uniqueness of belonging to different worlds and also being realistic in relationships.
The second step or phase of is interventions: Adapting to this wherein existing techniques from emotion focused therapy, reflective listening, IMAGO therapy and Gottam method in a client centred approach has highlighted
1) Financial status plays a power role in the couple dynamics in heterogeneous couples it is culturally the man being the bread winner and woman playing the other nurturing roles
2) In homosexual relationships the power dynamics are also governed by finances but individual characteristics expressed as more masculine or feminine social understanding are weighed in
3) The individual’s traits, social norms and values associated to characteristics expressed make up the personality within the relationship
4) Knowing oneself in the past decade and more self awareness in individuals brings couples to be self respecting, asking giving and receiving it in all areas.
5) Valuing creating a synergy between themselves that is not governed by social interaction but by what works for them and allows them to grow as individuals, couple and put forth self actualisation in daily practice.
Conflict resolution, learning coping strategies and positive mindset creation creates uniqueness at the core of the relationship which encourages even a spiritual or religious growth as per the individuals identify within the relationship.
Any form of building a connection towards a platonic relationship, romantic, civil partnership or long term relationship is the uniqueness of the individual cultivated through involving themselves in growth of the self. Representing that unique spark in the partnership as a celebration of themselves everyday and phase of life!
Gratitude
Aarti Ahuja