Disclaimer – This blog was Featured on WICCI National Psychological Council Blog when Ms Aarti Ahuja was a Council Member ( 2021-2023 ). This is a social and professional observation earlier shared during the tenure as a council member of WICCI Mental Health Council ( 2021-2023 ).
Every year each community has festivals they strongly identify as periods of joy and holiday spirit reins in their cultural ecosystem. With the joy and fun comes the other side, Festive Guilt, I like to define it as that feeling you get when you feel pressured to buy, get bigger, and want more for the sake of “being in the Festive Spirit”.
I’ve noticed an increasing number of people that state they want festivals to be simple. They vow it’s not about presents or elaborate meals. They want to turn their focus on helping others and being thankful for the things they have, especially as Covid19 era highlighted the essence of togetherness and family. Yet the vicious cycle of social image upkeep and showing joy through materialistic representation entraps everyone at some level.
The overindulgence in gifting, socialising, eating and drinking leaves the individual asking “Why do I put myself through this?” In wanting to be seen and the fear of missing out , people feel guilty worrying that maybe they haven’t done “enough” for the festival.
The real truth is.. You can’t! At least during the lockdown most people found a way to avoid it. As a keen social observer and understanding the patterns of festive guilt in sessions with my clients, few shared how they felt guilty that they weren’t doing festive gifts this year. They didn’t have a gifting list. They didn’t have gobs of presents to wrap. Should They ? They wondered!
All highlighted in the conversation was the simplicity they wanted from festive celebrations. In the need for simplicity much like many of us, the reminder comes across to be thankful for our blessings and comforted by the pleasures of “things”. There is nothing that we the privileged need in our celebrations but actually need to give back to the community. Each festival has a religiosity attached to it that celebrates giving to the underprivileged in the community and sharing with others as a tenant of celebrations.
Festive Guilt , though explores over indulgence in gifting , eating and drinking but if viewed differently to keep our thoughts on the love and thoughtfulness we are shared through festive celebrations , guilt will turn into fulfilment.
This doesn’t come easy. Each day you would have to remind yourself of the goals for your festive season and evaluate whether you feel you as a family or even individual are accomplishing those goals or not though the following questions.
What are the children/ younger siblings/ partners focused on?
If asked what do the children/ younger siblings/ partners say the festival is all about?
How are we celebrating the festival in a sustainable way?
What do the festive traditions mean to you and how have you adapted them to your present lifestyle?
If you can’t answer them the way you want, you know it’s time to re-evaluate. If you can, then the festive guilt shrinks just a little.
My friend shared this anecdote with me as “festive guilt” caught her up in my own bubble which I believe has the answer to lessen it one festival at a time
The other day my friend’s son told her “Mom, I know what you want for the upcoming festivals.”
She: “Oh really, Beta? What’s that according to you?” (nervous of his answer)
Love! You want love, Mom!
Love in a Box! ( in our actions and behaviour towards you each other and everyone around us )
Please remember festivals are a time to honour the religious sentiments that form a part of our socio-cultural identity. Also adapt to the times while upholding the values and passing down the traditional ethos that connects the individual. The way they chose to identify with it and not stifling the individual with guilt of not doing or being enough.
Each festival is a celebration of the individual being enough and celebrating the collective in a connected and collaborative identity making festivals a coming together of communities and hearts.
To cope with festive stress and understand how to set boundaries, book an Appointment !
Learn more and check out Boundaries of Communication in Social Settings
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Aarti Ahuja
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